


lucid

by nefariousness



Category: Wanna One (Band)
Genre: Angst, M/M, as always seongwoo and minhyun are just bff guys, but happy ending?, i still cant tag, majority of it is in seongwoo's pov, one-sided love idk?, semi-angst?, seongwoo is so whipped
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-25
Updated: 2018-01-25
Packaged: 2019-03-09 08:39:32
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 14,243
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13477764
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nefariousness/pseuds/nefariousness
Summary: daniel said that the old feelings that was once craved beautifully is a part of an art (and seongwoo wanted to believe it).





	lucid

**Author's Note:**

> hello ao3 ongniel tag!
> 
> this was just something i have finished and actually posted a long time ago under different ship, and i have changed it to ongniel since a long time ago, but i just decided to post it today :)
> 
> i have also been working for a new project with my lovely editor
> 
>  
> 
> [ash](https://twitter.com/loveongniei)
> 
>  
> 
> <3 so, stay tune ;))
> 
> also, this is unbeta-ed, it was also un-beta-ed the firt time i posted this why am i so lazy omfg
> 
> anyway, enjoy!

Seongwoo once fell in love with a boy and he thought that he would not know himself if he didn’t love him – it was almost mental, he was like an addiction, and in the most exciting and burning way, Seongwoo always find the latter under his skin. Seongwoo felt like he was chanting _his_ name within his breath every time he saw the boy’s sight on the campus’s corridor as Seongwoo admired his perfectly fair skin and boyish smile. _Kang Daniel_.

It happened on the first year of college, the first time Seongwoo felt like he could feel his heart beat too fast for his own liking when Daniel smiled at him after he almost fell down and dropped the pile of books as Daniel helped him out to gathered back his books. It was cliché as fuck, it was like those repeated drama scene Seongwoo was getting sick of – he thought it doesn’t make any sense.

That Seongwoo would never expect a smile like his could change Seongwoo’s world upside down, that a mere smile could turn someone from nothing to something – but then again, Kang Daniel makes everything different, he makes everything senseless.

And just like that, without any warning or terms or conditions, Ong Seongwoo become obsessed with his presence.

Seongwoo liked it to watch him from afar, observing the way he laugh and the way he talk or the way his eyes lit up every time he discuss about something, Seongwoo didn’t know that such human could be as beautiful as Kang Daniel. Seongwoo noticed everything about Daniel and he would like to keep it that way – adoring Daniel from distances while he has no clue about it – Seongwoo thought it would be a little bit more harmless to like him that way.

Seongwoo then concluded that Kang Daniel was pretty much like a heroin – every time Seongwoo caught the sight of him, he got the sudden rush of happiness and joy and the world slowed down around him, and it almost feels like it was a dream – Kang Daniel is always almost surreal though, he has become the vague borderline between insanity and reality.

 

\---

 

Hwang Minhyun would always look so disgusted whenever Seongwoo talk about Kang Daniel – Seongwoo figured it out that Minhyun has bound to hate on the latter though, since he would be annoyed too if Minhyun couldn’t stop blabbering about some random boy who didn’t even know his name. “You know he doesn’t deserve you, alright.” Minhyun would say. Seongwoo wanted to trust him, since he was your long time best friend, but he couldn’t help it.

It’s not like Seongwoo wanted to be so much in love with someone who doesn’t even care about finding out his name, or where he lives or what’s his favorite color, but he was never given a choice – it just happened like that, as if Seongwoo was on the edge of a cliff and he just fell – he didn’t even try to hold on, he just let himself go. 

“I can’t even look at his face because I don’t like him so much, goodness, it became so hard to be in the same group as him.” Minhyun would complain. “If you like him that much, then maybe he _should_ know about it,”.

Seongwoo often thought about it, about the possibility of him confessing to Kang Daniel, but it always go down to one conclusion – he doesn’t want to get rejected, _heck_ , it probably would feel worse than the actual heartbreak. He feels perfectly fine just by looking at Daniel at any chance Seongwoo could without him being aware of it – and even himself knew it was kind of pathetic.

Again, Minhyun said that there is no reason for him to reject Seongwoo and he wished he had more faith in Minhyun’s words but Seongwoo didn’t, which frustrated Minhyun because he admitted he couldn’t stand Seongwoo being a lovesick puppy. “It’s not that bad, just think of him as my idol or something, Minhyun.” Seongwoo would say whenever he got to rant about his discomfort.

“Oh, trust me, buddy, it is _that_ bad, you looked at him as if he is your whole world.”

Seongwoo wished it was a joke, but unfortunately for Minhyun, it felt like it was not.

For the moment, Kang Daniel is Seongwoo’s whole world despite him knowing Seongwoo’s existence or not, he still matters the most. Like how Daniel still felt like Seongwoo’s whole universe even though he has another guy on his arms on his second year of college. It felt like everything was crumpling down but it suddenly doesn’t feel so painful when Seongwoo saw him flashed his new boyfriend his thousands-watt infamous smile.

Seongwoo suddenly felt okay at that moment, he figured out that as long as Daniel is happy even though Seongwoo are not the one who is in charge for it, Seongwoo will be okay. Seongwoo thought it is how love works, Minhyun thought it was the dumbest thing he would ever heard in his entire lifetime. Seongwoo figured out much how to deal with Hwang Minhyun’s antics, Seongwoo also wished his words would hurt and made him forget his feelings to a certain Kang Daniel – but it’s not.

 

“He’s a design student,” Minhyun told Seongwoo one night when he was spending his time on the latter’s apartment. “Kang Daniel’s boyfriend,” He continued. “Why are you telling me this? I thought you hated him,” Seongwoo replied with an amused grin. “Oh, please, you looked like you are dying to know,” He said with a playful smile. “He’s really handsome, don’t you think? Indeed, beautiful people always flocked together, huh?” Seongwoo responded and Minhyun knitted his eyebrow at his answer.

“You are also handsome, and smart, and everything,” Minhyun said after a long silence. “That’s why we flocked together, duh,” Minhyun continued as he chewed on the snack. “Then why didn’t you date me?” Seongwoo teased. “Don’t you think it is kind of gross to date you when all you could think about is that insensitive male?” Minhyun raised his eyebrow. “So, would you date me if he is not all I think about then?” Seongwoo asked.

“No, but listen, we can discuss about that when you could actually think about any other thing other than Kang Daniel, _hm_?” Minhyun smirked.

“Never then?” Seongwoo smirked back.

“I thought so too.”

  

And also Seongwoo thought he would be elated when he heard that Kang Daniel and his boyfriend broke up almost three months later, but he didn’t – solely because Kang Daniel looked so empty when Seongwoo saw him for the first time since Seongwoo heard the news. That’s when Seongwoo knows for real that no matter how broken he is, he just need Kang Daniel to be happy for him to be whole again.

 

\---

 

Seongwoo talked to Kang Daniel for the first time in forever when Daniel asked Seongwoo whether he could use the empty chair in front of Seongwoo when he was reading an erratic historic book he picked earlier because he was waiting for his friends. Seongwoo said okay to Daniel’s request, and he gave Seongwoo his infamous boyish smile as his gratitude.

He opened his laptop before he could ask for Seongwoo’s name, as he caught Seongwoo staring at his stunning pair of brown orbs – it was kind of embarrassing – but he just laughed it off, he even joked that he was too handsome to be real, and Seongwoo used his every power to not agree with Daniel right away. 

A day turned into weeks, since the library incident, Daniel would call Seongwoo every time they meet and Seongwoo would reply with a small wave and a smile.

Minhyun didn’t like it even a bit.

“You told me that he should know that I like him, I’m making a move right here,” Seongwoo protested. “But you invest so much on him, and the possibility of him not returning it back as much as you are giving him is still high, can you just casually _like_ him?” Minhyun would nag. “Even if I want to, I don’t think I can.” Seongwoo would reply which made Minhyun groans most of the times. 

And, much to Seongwoo’s surprise, Daniel actually started to spend his times with him though, during lunch or during the days with no classes – Seongwoo thought his dream was slowly coming true when Daniel was giving you the smile he would only give to his ex-boyfriend, the smile that not only lit up half of his face but his entire body.

“Doesn’t love suppose to grow together?” Minhyun said at the night Daniel asked Seongwoo out to grab some _dinner_. “I guess? Why?” Seongwoo knew he would say something about how Seongwoo should not expect anything from the _casual hangout time_ with Daniel – Minhyun would address.

“It just doesn’t make any sense, you already loved him before he even know you, don’t you think it would end up, I don’t know, harmful?” Minhyun muttered carefully, which made Seongwoo sigh.

“You are so inconsistent, you know that?” Seongwoo said as he gave Minhyun a little chuckle. “You are the one who encouraged me that he has no reason to reject me,” Seongwoo added.

“It’s because you are always looking down at yourself like you don’t deserve him when it’s not like that, but I didn’t literally meant it, I was just giving out some points,” Minhyun huffed. “Look, I just don’t want you to get hurt, okay? Fine, go with Daniel and have fun, but take care of yourself,” Minhyun patted Seongwoo’s shoulder slowly before Seongwoo could grab his jacket.

 

“I will, thank you, Minhyun.”

 

\---

 

It was mid-summer and Seongwoo could remember perfectly how he thought it would be the start of the best days on his life, since Daniel taking him out on casual hangout time, and that night he chose McDonald’s and Seongwoo couldn’t figure out any better option than that – he’s still happy nonetheless. Seongwoo noticed that he was carrying a couple engineering books as Seongwoo recognized some of them since he sometimes caught Minhyun reading those.

“I have a quiz tomorrow, I’m sorry.” Daniel looked at Seongwoo apologetically. “Nah, it’s fine,” Seongwoo shrugged it off and gave him a smile – that one thing Minhyun most impressed about Seongwoo is that he actually can keep his cool around Daniel, since Minhyun thought Seongwoo would act like those hormonal high-school girls who got to talk with their super hot crushes – and honestly Seongwoo is kind of impressed of himself too.

“I would rather talk with you, though.” Daniel smiled back at Seongwoo.

Seongwoo figured out that Daniel does have a flaw – he knows how to play with a heart, especially the one that already longed for him like his does. “You can study and talk to me after that, I’ll be fine.” Seongwoo settled with his answer as he watched Daniel nodded slightly before he opened his book. “I’m sorry I have to bother you, I mean, it’s just I don’t know who else to ask.” 

There was a slight _pang_ on his chest, Seongwoo didn’t know whether it should mean that he was Daniel’s first choice or his last option or because he is the only option left, either one Seongwoo still feels like he wasn’t good enough. Seongwoo gave no answer and just continued to watch him studying, Seongwoo wanted to talk honestly but he didn’t want to bother Daniel. 

“Why do I always catch you staring at me?” Seongwoo was startled by Daniel’s statement as Seongwoo realized that he was staring back at Seongwoo with an amused grin. “It’s pretty adorable, do you like me that much?” Daniel chuckled when Seongwoo started to blush, he feels like he wanted to hide himself right then. “I like you too, don’t worry,” Daniel concluded at the end and made Seongwoo almost fell off his chair, suddenly his surrounding was in a blur.

“As a friend, you are a really nice friend.”

“Ah,” Seongwoo let out a small mutter, the one so low he almost choked at his own words. Seongwoo shouldn’t be expecting much, and at that exact moment he thought he should’ve done what Minhyun exactly told him to do, that he should just like Kang Daniel casually. And the thing that ache the most was that Kang Daniel actually have to clear that out – that he is only just another friend of his.

“Anyway, are you and Hwang Minhyun, I don’t know, _dating_?” Daniel suddenly asked and that time Seongwoo choked on his lemon tea for real. “I guess that’s a _no_?” Daniel chuckled at Seongwoo’s horror expression – funny, even after silently snapping his heart, Kang Daniel’s smile still left butterflies on his stomach.

“Absolutely a _no_ , he is a childhood friend, I don’t remember a life without him not being annoying by my side honestly, but he’s just a friend.” Seongwoo forced a smile.

“Ha, but he always giving me a glare and he actually pretty friendly with the others, but I noticed that he always avoid talking to me,” Daniel said somewhat bitterly. “I wonder why,” He continued as he focused his gaze on Seongwoo again – as if he was trying to tell him that Daniel knows something. “He is a little bit error on the head sometimes, you should just stay away from him.” Seongwoo smiled slightly as he tried to avoid Daniel’s gaze, Seongwoo suddenly felt so small around him. “Okay, if that’s what you say.”

And just like that the rest of the nights seems pretty normal, both of them talked about some stuffs – parents, college-life, Hwang Minhyun – Seongwoo have to assured Daniel that’s the issue is not _him_ that Minhyun won’t talk to him without giving him a cold shoulder, before Daniel decided that both of them need to get some rest for the next day. The night seems to end too fast for Seongwoo’s liking, but he figured for his own good, it’s better to call it a night, he might suffer a heart attack if he had to be stuck with Kang Daniel another hour.

“Thank you for the company tonight.” Daniel drove Seongwoo to his apartment complex and he couldn’t help but admired his cute little smile under the minimum light. “I guess, you could always call me if you ever needed any more of it.” Seongwoo meant it, he told himself a thousand times already that he is okay as long as Daniel is happy – so if being just a friend of his makes him happy then Seongwoo would do it.

But then, his next move was completely the one that shocked Seongwoo, the one that will haunt Seongwoo in his sleep the next day and most likely for the rest of his life. Daniel was so close that the background song that was coming from his radio sounded like it was never there, like how the wall between both of them was never there, and suddenly he was only a breath away. Seongwoo felt like it was going to happen, Daniel’s lips was just there waiting to be pressed against his, but it never happened.

Daniel turned his head away before Seongwoo could take another gasp of air, before Daniel moved his body away from Seongwoo and he felt cold straight away once again. Daniel muttered an apologize which sounded like stab to Seongwoo’s heart. And even at that moment Seongwoo thought maybe it made Daniel happy, to screw his feelings like that in a snap – and for some reasons Seongwoo felt like he would still feel okay if Daniel was happy.

But, unfortunately, nobody was happy that one mid-summer night. And as for Seongwoo, he did confirm one thing that healways believed since the beginning, that there is a darker color than heartbreak – _rejection_.

 

\---

 

There is a term called lucid, and it was the ability to think clearly especially in intervals between periods of insanity – and Seongwoo would like to believe that he is inside one.

He once fell in love with a boy that he thought he wouldn’t be able to recognize himself if he is not into _him_ – at some moments Seongwoo still feels like it, at some nights Seongwoo would still like to recall how beautiful his name sounded coming out from _his_ lips – but after years of training, it finally didn’t affect Seongwoo any longer. 

Kang Daniel was his first period of insanity and he like to address Daniel as that. Seongwoo doesn’t know when will the next period come, but at some point Seongwoo silently prayed that he would be as breathtaking as Kang Daniel – but right now, Seongwoo is just living your perfect little life, with no madness following him like a shadow, especially with no certain man occupying every corner of his mind twenty four seven.

It has been four years since he graduated college – making it five years since the first time he tried to get rid of Kang Daniel from his system. It was always hard at the beginning, there is no easy way to erase someone who he has been addicted to, it’s like stopping himself from using drugs when he used to believe that is where his whole life is – and Kang Daniel is pretty much like a drug to Seongwoo.

And fortunately for Seongwoo, Kang Daniel has made it even simpler than it should be – after that one heart wrenching night, he never saw Daniel again and Seongwoo thought maybe he was not that dense to actually give Seongwoo a space after killing him inside but then he figured out from Minhyun that Daniel got out from the university and moved somewhere far – Minhyun could’ve gained more information Seongwoo believes, but he also know that he would rather flush his thesis down to the toilet than to talk about Kang Daniel.

Seongwoo remembered that Minhyun said that Kang Daniel was a total coward that after breaking someones’s heart, he just run away like that without some decent explanation – but Seongwoo rather not believe that, because it didn’t make sense at all, and he had gotten too tired already to deal with things that have no sense.

 

Like, _Kang Daniel_ , exactly.

 

Truthfully, even after Seongwoo graduated and meet some other nice guys, he would still thinks what would it be if Daniel ended up kissing him that night, Seongwoo thought it’s okay – Minhyun thought it is not, though – it is still okay to sometimes get a grip of his past and think about how there is a chance to get a different outcome.

It was normal, after all Kang Daniel was once his everything, despite him breaking Seongwoo apart or not.

Even after a great job being landed to Seongwoo, he would still think a life with Kang Daniel, what would it be to wake up next to him or how they could’ve make a breakfast together every morning or how nice it would be like to have Daniel kiss him good night before he goes to sleep. But all of that didn’t happen, Seongwoo got it now and at some point on those three years trying to get over Kang Daniel, Seongwoo realized that it’s not worth it anymore, he has successfully forced Daniel out from his mind. 

Although Seongwoo didn’t want to use the word _completely_ , because sometimes he still caught himself thought of the name that changed his world without him even trying – Seongwoo used _successfully_ , because at those times Seongwoo thought about Kang Daniel, it doesn’t give him any damn butterflies anymore, and that’s a nice progress – Seongwoou wanted to give himself a reward if he could.

“First day of becoming the full editor in chief and you stared at the wall for almost fifteen minutes, congrats.” A mocking voice distracted Seongwoo and he turned your chair immediately to face the suspected figure. “Give me a break, Jaehwan.” Seongwoo frowned as he stared at his colleague.

Kim Jaehwan is a feisty guy who has this ultimate hobby of annoying Seongwoo – no wonder he got along so well with Minhyun – but Seongwoo likes him because he has so much fire on his eyes – just like right then. “Supposedly as your part time personal assistant, I am designed not to give you a break actually,” Jaehwan sneered and gave Seongwoo a victorious smirk. “Stop referring yourself as that, seriously, I’m not paying you any cents.”

Seongwoo actually got into one of the most prestigious magazine company five years back as an intern, and maybe because his love life was such an utter shit, his work life is the complete opposite. The editor in chief back then loved him that she recruited Seongwoo right away after he graduated, promoted him two years after, making you the junior editor in chief last year and when she had to take a maternity leave, she left Seongwoo with a full rights as editor in chief.

And Jaehwan is not really his personal assistant, he is actually a senior editor – but he suggested that Seongwoo should find one before he blows his head with the deadlines that is coming in no time – and Jaehwan offered himself to help Seongwoo for a bit. “You know as your personal assistant, I can also manage your financial strategy and money, right? So of course, I’m getting paid, send me a check for today’s service,” Jaehwan sassed.

“You are fired then, good bye.”

“I see that coming, though, you are petty as fuck, that’s why I come prepared.” Jaehwan clicked his tongue and handed Seongwoo a green file folder. “I’m resigning as your servant and those are the name of the interns, not necessarily applying to be your slave though, but you can make them do that, _easy_ ,” Jaehwan snorted as Seongwoo skimmed the content of the files. “The interview will start tomorrow by the way and please read them first, and tell Sungwoon hyung if you are interested in any of them right away.”

Seongwoo nodded as he scanned through the names thoroughly before he closed the file and found Jaehwan still standing in front of him with a raised eyebrow. “I’ll get back at you and Sungwoon hyung tomorrow morning, okay?” Seongwoo said as he turned his attention back to the article he was reviewing earlier before he got distracted.

“Anyway,” Jaehwan continued, as he got closer to Seongwoo’s glass desk and actually leaned on the edge of it.

“Just wondering, are you free this Saturday?” Jaehwan said as he was trying to get Seongwoo’s attention.

“Depends on what you are proposing,” Seongwoo replied nonchalantly. “You see, I have this friend, you know, attractive as hell, and I thought he would be perfect since you are so stressed and needed a boyfriend, perhaps?” Jaehwan said it so fast that Seongwoo barely managed to catch his words properly, but you did hear the word boyfriend.

“Stop match-making me, goodness, and stop listening to Minhyun’s words, for sake,” Seongwoo retorted.

“I can’t help it, he said that you are a fucking loner, that you needed some company – a hot one, since your ex is such a hot douchebag,” Jaehwan ranted. “Minhyun told you that my ex is hot? And correction, _not_ an ex.” Seongwoo raised his eyebrow in amusement.

“You just completely dismissed that he called you a fucking loner at your back, is he _that_ hot?” Jaehwan wriggled his eyebrow back with the same glee. “Forget it.” Seongwoo sighed. “Ah, tough break up?” Jaehwan leaned on more – he always has a thing for juicy gossip.

“There is no break up, because he was never mine, end of discussion, Jaehwan, I didn’t pay you to sit around and annoy me,” Seongwoo replied stoically. “Ugh, now you are talking about paying me, but are you still on Saturday or _nah_?” Jaehwan grunted.

“Absolutely.” Seongwoo loves it when Jaehwan lit up all of the sudden just for Seongwoo to irritate him more.

“Not.” Seongwoo continued as Jaehwan looked at him, as he would actually stab Seongwoo’s face with a pen.

 

\---

 

Seongwoo woke up the next morning earlier than usual, since he was hearing noises from outside his room, as he groaned and left his bed eventually. Seongwoo was not even slightly surprise when he saw Minhyun roaming at his fridge at seven in the morning – Seongwoo is not even surprise if he found the latter had been sleeping on his apartment’s couch actually.

“It’s on the second shelf, I bought you some tuna sandwich last night,” Seongwoo said nonchalantly as he made his way to the coffee maker to get his first Americano of the day. “You are the best.” Minhyun grinned as he got his food and put it in the microwave.

“You know –,” Seongwoo leaned and the counter as he waited for his coffee to be done as Seongwoo glared at Minhyun who was happily watching his food heating up.

“Instead of crashing my apartment three times a week to get breakfast, or telling Jaehwan to find me some boyfriend because I’m a fucking loner.” Seongwoo paused and casted Minhyun a deadpanned look, as Minhyun turned his head around with a sheepish grin. “You could tell that to yourself and find a boyfreind, how’s that sounds?” Seongwoo raised his eyebrow. 

“Nah, what’s the point if I got you?” Minhyun smiled when the microwave made a _ding_ sound.

“Besides, I’m too busy to even take care of myself and make my own breakfast, what makes you think I can handle a boyfriend?” Minhyun shrugged as he took the first bite of his sandwich. “Well, I’m also too busy to handle a boyfriend so stop telling other people that I’m a lone wolf.” Seongwoo groaned in annoyance.

“You busy? Well, try becoming an engineer,” Minhyun replied nonchalantly. “By the way, the green folder is the possible editor names?”

“Shit, don’t remind me I have to read all of those like right now and interview some people today, for goddess’ sake,” Seongwoo groaned, again as he took a large sip from his coffee. “Save the problem, I have read it and why is there a Kang Daniel?” Minhyun smirked when he saw Seongwoo literally flew across the room to pick the folder and frantically search for the said name. 

“I should’ve said his name more often if I got to see some parkour shit like that.” Minhyun popped right next to Seongwoo with a sneer as he watched Seongwoo giving away a death glare.

“You are an asshole, Minhyun.” Seongwoo snorted as he threw a pillow to Minhyun’s face. “Best kind of it though.” He shrugged nonchalantly. “But are you sure it’s because you are busy and not because you are still deprived of that _fair skin with a heavenly smile_ imbecile?”

“I told you he doesn’t matter anymore.” Seongwoo sighed as he put aside the folder. “And I told you that’s great, but for once in a while let’s not lie, hm? I’ve known you even before you realized that Santa ain’t real.” Seongwoo wanted to scoff at his statement.

“He doesn’t make you feel things anymore, I get it, you chanted it like it some kind of a mantra, but does he really not on your way anymore though.” Minhyun gave Seongwoo a questioning look.

“What’s with the sudden Kang Daniel topic? He’s really on the list?” Seongwoo picked up the folder again just to make sure. “Nah, just because,” Minhyun took a bite on his sandwich again.

“I wanted to know.” Minhyun mumbled in a low voice, but it was loud enough for Seongwoo to give him a look. “Of what exactly?” Seongwoo raised his eyebrow, expecting an answer when Minhyun abruptly got up and patted Seongwoo’s shoulder slightly. 

“ _Stuffs_ , but hey, I wanted to talk about it more but I got to go, yeah? Thanks for the hospitality, as always.” Minhyun grinned widely before quickly ran to the front door before Seongwoo got to say another word.

 

\---

 

It would be a lie if Seongwoo said he didn’t see it coming, he clearly expected that Jaehwan would looked pissed as fuck when Seongwoo told him for the nth times that evening the fact that no one really appealed to Seongwoo for the position of a personal assistant. 

“Look, its called personal assistant, so it’s kind of personal and if it’s personal, it’s normal if I was being such an asshole about – are you even listening?” Seongwoo raised his eyebrow when the latter clearly ignoring him and talked to the phone instead.

“Uh, yeah, hyung, save your nag, Sungwoon hyung said that someone just applied, as an intern editor of course, but he somehow managed to highlight that _you are going to love him_ ,” Jaehwan said as he pulled away from his phone. “So, I’m going to get out from this room, meet the guy, send him to you and if you wanted to hire him as the fourth intern today or the first personal assistant, it’s clearly up to you.” Jaehwan snorted. 

“But, if you are going to end up having zero assistant then I’m going to get the second day paycheck, is that clear? Of course it does.” Jaehwan smirked at Seongwoo as he found himself out from the room – and at that moment Seongwoo wanted to go home immediately, he has been meeting people since he stepped into his workroom, and it would be nice if he could just lie on his bed instead. 

Then he heard Jaehwan’s voice just behind the door, before he showed himself again and gave Seongwoo a small smile before he let the guy in and Seongwoo swore his mind froze when _he_ came in.

Because Seongwoo always thought about the possibilities of that day to come, when Minhyun jokingly teased him that morning, who knew that it would come into reality, unless he has turned into some kind of psychic – which Minhyun is not – but what are the chances that Kang Daniel actually giving Seongwoo a small smile from across the room, with a very excited Jaehwan beside him and giving Seongwoo a thumbs up.

 

 _If only Jaehwan knew_.

 

Because Seongwoo always imagined what is it like to meet Kang Daniel again, after spending so much trying not to have him on his mind, after all the sleepless nights convincing himself that he is better when Kang Daniel is no longer around, after all the minutes wondering whether he would still be okay if Daniel came back just to break his heart again – and there he was, standing gloriously with his perfect figure and still, his infamous fair skin and boyish grin.

Daniel stepped closer and he took a seat in front of Seongwoo, while Seongwoo stayed at his same position for a couple more second before he stood up all of the sudden and bowed slightly. “That’s a very rude of me to just sit, _uh_ , I’m Kang Daniel, and I’m applying as an intern editor.” He smiled, and goodness, Seongwoo thought he has forgotten already that a smile that beautiful does exist.

“Yeah, of course, uh, you can take a seat,” Seongwoo finally replied and gestured the latter to take a seat, his sense are finally back to his system.

“Uh, I don’t know whether you remember me or not, but we used to go to the same college, you know?” Daniel grinned. “It’s barely that long time ago, so of course I still remember you, Daniel.” Seongwoo smiled back at him professionally.

“I see you just applied today, though? I didn’t get your file yesterday and as far as I know Sungwoon doesn’t let someone came through that easy, perhaps he’s a friend?” Seongwoo raised his eyebrow as he examined Daniel’s folder that he handed to Seongwoo earlier – which caused Daniel to laugh lightly.

“You caught me there, uh, yeah, he’s not a stranger, but I actually applied some times ago, and they said they messed up some files so I need to re-applied.” Daniel shrugged.

“You went to engineering school, right? Why become an intern at an editorial department?” Seongwoo didn’t need to look at the paper to ask that question, though.

“Uh, long story short, when I got out from our university and move to the States with my parents, I guess, writing became another hobby, so I took a couple of classes for it and here I am?”

So, Daniel moved to the States to follow his parents, now Seongwoo knows where and why – it felt somehow like completing a puzzle he has been trying to solve.

“I thought dancing more like your thing though.” Seongwoo gave Daniel a slight smile as he leaned to the glass table. “Oh, you actually remember that.” Daniel smiled in amusement.

“Yeah, but I guess more than dancing, I love art, and writing and dancing are both part of an art.” Daniel didn’t stop smiling – and it’s the smile that lit up his whole body.

“I believe that things do die at some point, but not art, you know, there is no art that is completely vanished or forgotten,” Daniel explained and Seongwoo almost can see how his eyes sparkle when he talked – it felt like he has never changed for the past five years. 

Kang Daniel still look as beautiful as ever, he was ethereal, he looked like he was untouched by the rest of the world – everything about him is still breathtaking and Seongwoo couldn’t even find a reason to hate on him right then when he was talking about something he loves, Seongwoo almost believed that it’s probably one of the best view he has seen so far in life.

“You know, we usually don’t accept more than two interns in a period – company’s policy, and I broke it today already though.” Seongwoo saw how his face fell. “But, I do have a position open, but it’s, uh, it’s to be my personal assistant,” Seongwoo continued, and when he saw Daniel’s face lighten up, it was Seongwoo’s heart that sank a little bit – he spent years to get Daniel out from his system just to include Daniel into his circle again.

“I guess, you can also gain some editorial experience though, you will help me to evaluate all the article that came and –,”. “The position sounds amazing, better actually,” Daniel cut in as he grinned and his whole face beamed.

“Is that mean I get to follow you everyday?” Daniel asked out of blue – Seongwoo was a bit taken aback by the question but he nodded nonetheless. “Uh, okay, you can start tomorrow, and you can get your files at Sungwoon’s department.” Seongwoo felt like he just made his first mistake since he met Kang Daniel – it hasn’t even been an hour.

“That’s sound absolutely great.” Daniel smiled again before he stood up and proceed to do a handshake with Seongwoo.

“By the way, this is an old friend talking to an old friend,” Daniel suddenly said and Seongwoo didn’t like the idea of what’s he’s going to tell you already. “Do you perhaps want to grab some lunch with me tomorrow?”

Seongwoo realized that five years ago he would do anything to get into his position right then, and he would’ve said _yes_ right away, but maybe Kang Daniel wasn’t the only person who hasn’t really changed at that moment. “Sure.” 

Daniel left with a huge smile of satisfaction plastered on his face, before Seongwoo sighed and leaned back to his armchair. So Kang Daniel did still have an effect on him, but he once again thought it’s okay, because he partly knows that he wouldn’t be right who he is without him.

“So, am I fired?” Jaehwan’s voice distracted Seongwoo before he gave Jaehwan a flat smile when the latter got closer to him. “He’s really something else though, I would recruit him if you didn’t.” Jaehwan shrugged. “Sungwoon hyung is right, though, I owe him five bucks because he told me first that you are going to _love_ him, and you are.”

 

Seongwoo wanted to scoff so badly – if only Jaehwan knew that he had loved Kang Daniel way before Jaehwan even learnt Seongwoo’s name.

 

\---

 

“Hey, quick question and don’t lie.” Minhyun suddenly stopped eating his omelette and stared at Seongwoo in full judgment and he almost choked because he has some guesses of what Minhyun was about to ask. “Do you remember Cha Eunwoo?” Minhyun raised his eyebrow and Seongwoo couldn’t feel more relieved than ever.

“Yeah, why?”

“Are you not replying his messages?”

“Yeah, why?”

“Well, are you planning to?”

“Probably not, why?”

 

“You are an evil,” Minhyun grunted as he stuffed another spoon of omelette to his mouth. “He’s a decent younger guy, look, and he’s handsome, and not to mention, smart and caring as well, what possibly you could ask for more in a man?” Minhyun ranted.

“Then _you_ date him,” Seongwoo replied nonchalantly. “Look, I don’t want to give him false signs, I’m not that interested, Minhyun, he makes a good friend but I don’t feel it.” Seongewoo shrugged.

“Don’t feel what? His smile doesn’t wake your soul? That only Kang Daniel could do that?” Seongwoo knew Minhyun meant it as a joke, but he froze somehow – Seongwoo should probably tell him the truth. “Hey, quick question, and don’t freak out,” Seongwoo suddenly said. “You are freaking me out already by saying that,” Minhyun gave him the look.

“I got a new assistant the other day.” Seongwoo sighed.

“Well, congrats, but I don’t freak out over a fact like that unless your new assistant is Cha Eunwoo or Kang Daniel, I don’t know.” He huffed – it’s a joke, clearly but sometimes, Seongwoo felt like Minhyun is really a psychic or he really need to learn how to keep his mouth shut because apparently all his words are coming true nowadays.

“So, you are going to freak out,” Seongwoo said carefully. “What the actual fuck? Cha Eunwoo is so that into you that he is willing to become your assistant?” Minhyun gasped dramatically.

“You are so stupid, Minhyun.” Seongwoo shook your head and rolled his eyes. “Fuck, that’s even worse, Kang Daniel is your new assistant? That imbecile is back? He is a _what_ now?” Minhyun was shouting and his eyes widen to the point Seongwoo was a little scared but he just nodded as the response.

“Holy shit,” He hissed. “Yeah, holy shit, I would like to blame Jaehwan for that though.” Seongwoo slumped himself to the couch as he sighed.

 

“So, what now?” Minhyun finally came back to his sense and took a seat beside Seongwoo.

“Live life normally, I guess.” Seongwoo frowned. “Are you planning to come back to _that_ life? Running after him? Still getting stunned by the smile? I mean, are you back already?” Minhyun muttered.

“No, it took me years to get out, I don’t let myself fall into the same hole.” Seongwoo wished he would have a little more faith to his own words though. “It’s Kang Daniel, and he is always an exception for you.” 

 

Minhyun did have an _amazing_ point.

 

“I guess I was overwhelmed yesterday, but really, Minhyun, I did tell you the truth when I said he didn’t _wake up my soul_ anymore, I guess all he does was having a little effects on me, but it’s normal since I was once dedicated a life to him.” Seomgwoo smiled bitterly to Minhyun. “Okay.” Minhyun nodded his head slowly.

“What? No critic?” Seongwoo pushed the latter’s arm slightly as he chuckled. “Nah, you are a grown up man, you got it figure out by your own now.” Minhyun smiled back. “And it’s not like he suddenly changed and came after you and confused you again, right? I guess, if you can be friend with him, it would be nice, don’t you think?”

 

For the first time since Seongwoo met Kang Daniel again, he does have a little faith in Minhyun’s words.

 

\---

 

Seongwoo left with Daniel briefly after the meeting for the upcoming issues ended, and Jaehwan couldn’t stop teasing him that he had hit _the_ jackpot – Jaehwan seems couldn’t understand what a college friend means. Seongwoo wanted to back out from the lunch, since he wasstill overwhelmed by Daniel’s sudden comeback, but Seongwoo said yes and he doesn’t really keen of seeing Daniel’s sad face again – it distracts Seongwoo.

“So, we didn’t get to talk so much yesterday, I thought this is a great chance to catch up you know, even though we are going to meet each other every single day.” Daniel chuckled – he sounded a little too enthusiastic and Seongwoo did notice that – after they both order something from the menu. Seongwoo remembered the small café on the block though, they serve delicious pasta but he barely goes there anymore these past few years. 

“How have you been?” Daniel fixed his gaze right at Seongwoo – a small smile was playing on his lips. It was a cliché question, he probably knew what Seongwoo is going to answer, but Seongwoo sensed that he somehow expect more.

“Great, I graduated, get a job, get an apartment, it’s pretty good.” Seongwoo didn’t lie though, but it isn’t that great – because most of it was also spent trying to get rid of the man in front him from his way.

 

“Still could’ve been better.” Seongwoo didn’t actually direct that to Daniell, but his bitter smile spoke more than his silence.

 

“I’m sorry.” Daniel looked at Seongwoo genuinely with a sad eye. “Why are you apologizing? I mean, there are some hardships but that’s okay, right? Life isn’t always smooth, we get a little bit messy sometimes, and that’s how we grow up.” Seongwoo chuckled slightly. “It’s true, but I owe you an apologize for a lot of things, actually.” It stunned Seongwoo again – he hates it when Daniel frowned, it makes him bewildered.

“Uh, sorry for obviously dragging the mood down, I mean, _this_ should be fun, right?” Daniel laughed.

“Fun is subjective, Daniel, I think this is fun,” Seongwoo replied.

“So, why come back to Korea though? I’ve been wanting to ask you, but yeah, yesterday was indeed too brief,” Seongwoo added. “Ha, let’s see, it’s a long story though, I’ll try to make summarize it somehow.”

“Truthfully, my parents are planning to move country anyway, my dad was offered a great job in the States and with the amount of paycheck, he really couldn’t resist, but I didn’t expect it would require us to move out that fast though,” Daniel started. “I’m doing pretty well actually back then, I rolled into a dance academy, took writing classes, went on road trips, but yeah, I got back because I still have things to finish here.”

“Like what?” Seongwoo raised his eyebrow in curiosity – part of him wanted to believe that he is on the list but the rest of him knew it was nonsense and he stop believing in nonsense a long time ago. “Things.” Daniel shrugged hastily.

“Feelings, too, I guess.” Daniel’s lips curled down – his voice was low, it almost got into Seongwoo’s skin. “Feelings shouldn’t be the things that hold you down, Daniel, feelings should be ended once it was broken.”

“Is that so? Too bad then, we have different philosophy of feelings,” He beamed again – but the smile didn’t quite reach his eyes. “I changed it some times ago, we probably used to have it the same,” Seongwoo replied. “But I also changed mine some times ago, we probably never have it the same.” His shoulder dropped in instant. “It’s good though, the one that will never meet is the parallel line, maybe because you changed, and we have crossed again.”

“That’s probably right.” He paused a bit. “Anyway, silly me, this have become a deep one, huh? I planned we won’t go deep yet, like I want it to be light and fun for the first hang out like, you know, I want to know the right-now you, you are like a whole new person,” Daniel suddenly smiled widely but all Seongwoo hear was actually the word _yet_ and first hang out – he talked like there is going to be a second time.

“I’m still the same, actually, well, I feel the same.” Seongwoo shrugged it off. “Nonsense, you frown more, you know,” Daniel replied nonchalantly. “And more distant, I guess, back then you seems brighter.” He paused for a second – Seongwoo knew he was hesitating at that moment. 

 

“The way you look at me also changed.” Seongwoo was _that_ close to sneer at his statement, but he quickly added, “Am I not handsome anymore? Am I ugly now?”

 

Seongwoo didn’t answer him before he faked a cough and chuckled awkwardly. “No, Daniel, you are still as sterling as ever,” Seongwoo replied at the end, before the waitress cut in and start placing the plate on the table as Daniel muttered a small _thank you_ to her.

Seongwoo sincerely didn’t want to stop there, he wanted to ask how did he notice that he is not as cheerful as before, Seongwoo wanted to ask why would he think that Seongwoo would still welcome him with an open hand after what he did to him – does he even remember, Seongwoo wanted to know how did Seongwoo look at him before – Seongwoo knows the answer, but he want to make sure whether Daniel’s answer would be the same as his or not.

But Seongwoo did not ask in the end, as he watched Daniel eat his gnocchi calmly, because he really didn’t want Daniel to break him again – Seongwoo realized then that Minhyun did have a lot have outstanding points, like how dangerous Kang Daniel or how Seongwoo was this close to make him an anomaly, or how he would actually run back to the life where he pour his soul solely just for Kang Daniel.

“You are frowning again.” Daniel suddenly stopped eating and looked at Seongwoo. “No, I am not.” Seongwoo forced a small smile and he was pretty sure Daniel noticed it was not genuine enough for his liking. “I’m sorry, I know I keep saying it, but I wanted you to know that I mean it,” Daniel said instead.

“I didn’t think you would say _yes_ to my invitation to this lunch, but you did, you are always a nice person, that’s why I like you, you know,” Daniel said under his breath.

Seongwoo waited for him to say his next line – the one where he corrected that Seongwoo was a nice friend – which unfortunately never came and the only thing Daniel did was looking to Seongwoo’s eyes, like he actually meant it, and it somehow frightened Seongwoo, because at that second Seongwoo swore it gave him the same feeling of how Seongwoo always looked at Daniel before.

 

\---

 

“You are right, Minhyun,” Seongwoo said over the phone. _“About what?._

 

“That I do make exceptions for him.” Seongwoo sighed because he hates to admit that it’s true. _“I know, so are you back in the game with the imbecile? May I remind you that once an asshole, always an asshole?”_

“No, but agreeing to see him outside works is still something, right?”

 

_“Like a date?”_

 

It is always more like a date actually ever since five years ago – but maybe Seongwoo used to be afraid of using that term, so he agreed back then with Minhyun that he should went for _casual hangout time_ instead – and Seongwoo is not someone he was five years ago anymore.

 

“Yeah,”.

 

\---

 

If flowers could teach themselves how to bloom after the winter passed, you could also teach yourself how to mend a broken soul after the heartbreak passed – that’s what Seongwoo tells himself a lot, after Kang Daniel decided to miss the first kiss the latter could’ve share with him.

At the span of five years, it was a little easier to get over him and not to have him around, but when he suddenly showed up with the smile as if he never left, it was kind of funny how Seongwoo accepted him so well and so, Seongwoo concluded that maybe he have passed his winter and it no longer bothered him.

“Here come your brushes.” Daniel’s voice distracted Seongwoo from observing the plain white wall in front of him – Seongwoo has agreed to help Daniel to paint his dance studio the day after the lunch, since it was Saturday. The lunch ended pretty well actually, Seongwoo did a great job ignoring his arguable statement about liking him, but so did Daniel.

They both then talked more about what he is doing in Seoul, how he also signed up as the choreographer or how he actually remembered that Seongwoo like to draw so he asked Seongwoo to make his studio look more gleeful – and how Seongwoo agreed to his request because that’s a _friendly_ thing to do. 

“Thanks,” Seongwoo muttered when Daniel handed him one of the brush. “I’m thinking of red or sky blue, so I bought those colors, is that okay for you?” Daniel scratched his hair nervously as he pointed to where the paint cans are. “Or do I need to like buy another set of paint, it’s totally fine if you need more, like I should’ve given you more choice right? There is a hardware store around the blocks anyway, it just like five minutes away –,”. “It’s fine, Daniel, I can work with that.”

Seongwoo chuckled, he had never seen Daniel blabbered before and turned out it’s kind of adorable to see his ears redden – and Seongwoo did expect him to buy those colors, they were his favorite colors after all, he still remembered those details about Daniel frankly.

“Oh, okay.” Daniel laughed afterward and started to pour the paint to the tray and attached the roller frame to the pole. “Can I help you with anything except painting the bigger area though?” Daniel said when he started to paint the easier pattern as Seongwoo worked more on the details with smaller brushes. “Not that I mind using this humongous brush but I mean if you ever needed any help with the smaller pattern with smaller brush then I’m down for it.” He shrugged it off.

 

“I kind of got this, though.” Seongwoo gave Daniel an assuring smile. “Yeah, well, you always good at this though, if I remember correctly, you always good at everything.” Seongwoo wanted to laugh at the statement – he may be good at everything except not to fall for him – Seongwoo wanted to say that, merely as a joke though, but he decided that it was not a good idea.

 

“ _Not_ everything, really,” Seongwoo settled with that instead.

 

\---

 

“Are you still with that Hwang guy?” Seongwoo almost choked on his take-out noodle but thank goodness he did not, when Daniel asked him with a rather serious face – they both were eating on his studio for a lunch break in the middle of painting his wall.

“I guess we are back discussing about Minhyun, aren’t we?” Seongwoo replied with a low chuckle. “Yeah, he’s still alive and around, I mean, it’s like making a deal with the devil, he can’t really leave you alone after you seal the friendship deal with him,” Seongwoo joked.

“He’s still _just_ a friend?” Daniel raised his eyebrow in rather an amusement. “He rather date his stupid tools than me and honestly I’m more like his brother slash maid, it’s more like the latter though.” Seongwoo shrugged it off. “His loss then, yeah?” Daniel grinned. “So, are you, uh, like, free from any relationship?” He suddenly continued and startled Seongwoo quite a bit.

“Are you, Daniel?” Seongwoo pressed his lips together when he saw Daniel sighed after not getting the answer he wanted. “Will I be here if I were in one?” He answered instead with a disheartened smile. “You could do that,” Seongwoo replied nonchalantly as he turned his head back to the wall – avoiding the agony that Daniel giving him right then.

“You said you wanted to sort out some feelings, is it with, uh, I kind of forgot his name, but the one you dated back then in second year of college?” Seongwoo tried to switch the topic, but he could almost feel his side burning by Daniel’s intense stare.

“Ah, no, I sort everything out with him, we separated in a good term, I guess back then I thought I somehow _love_ him, but it’s such a strong word to begin with.” Daniel is back with his lively tone and chuckled at his own words.

“It’s more like the old feelings, the one I have been trying to sort out since a long time ago, the words that left unsaid, they are the one that really bothers you after all, right?” Daniel smiled at Seongwoo when he turned his head back to Daniel. “I’m sorry, I keep bringing down the mood by talking about depressing things.” Daniel chuckled afterwards.

“You said more sorry in past two days than you were ever before.” Seongwoo paused before he looked at Daniel solemnly, “Stop doing that.”

“I’ve told you I owe you an apology, and I said sorry, but I don’t know whether you had forgiven me or not, whether you had forget about it or not, but I did not, I never forget.” Daniel’s face hardened and his voice became sterner than before – it was kind of impressing for Seongwoo, because he was just laughing literally a minute ago.

 

“You never told me what you apologized for, Daniel.”

 

“Why are you here?” For the first time at Seongwoo’s entire life knowing Kang Daniel, he probably never witnessed Daniel to be so desperate as he was at that moment. “Because you asked me to come, it’s a common courtesy,” Seongwoo replied half apathetically. “And just that?” Daniel scoffed – he freaking scoffed at Seongwoo, and it angered the latter a bit.

“Well, it could be something else if you didn’t –,”.

 

It happened so fast, Seongwoo barely in his perfect sense when Daniel’s lips pressed against his a little with force because Seongwoo almost turned his head away – but Seongwoo didn’t get to do it because Daniel was cupping his face dearly, but when Daniel slowed down after that, it was when Seongwoo could feel how his lips was so soft, so delicate, yet Seongwoo always thought that his lips would be a little more rough than that.

 

“I’m sorry I didn’t get to do this five years ago,”.

 

\---

 

“Why are you not at work?”.

Seongwoo almost missed Minhyun’s voice because he was staring at his huge window blankly for the past ten minutes. “I took a day off.” Seongwoo shrugged nonchalantly, but he should’ve known better that Minhyun wouldn’t buy it that easy.

“It’s Sunday,” Minhyun raised his eyebrow suspiciously and Seongwoo wanted to hit himself so bad for not paying attention. “And is that a new curtain because you have been looking at it for the past hour, seriously what is wrong with you?”

“I’m exhausted,” Seongwoo reasoned, but he could say that Minhyun didn’t even believe any of that. “Look, I didn’t just know you two minutes ago, so what happened with you –,” He stopped before he let out a withering sigh. “And Kang Daniel?” _Goddammit_.

“Seriously, Minhyun, you should stop mentioning his name, next thing you know I’m kicking you out –.” Seongwoo was cut by the sound of his doorbell as he and Minhyun immediately turned both of their attention to the front door, and as if it was some kind of telepathic thing between the two of them, both Seongwoo and Minhyun walked to the front door, but Minhyun managed to be the one who opened the door, completely ignoring the door monitor. 

And even in Seongwoo’s wildest dreams, he never thought that Kang Daniel would actually leaned casually on your doorframe with his glorious black leather jacket and Hwang Minhyun has to be the one who welcome his splendid appearance – which it did not surprise Seongwoo when Minhyun shut the door almost immediately and gave him a disbelief look. “I have a lot to ask but first what the fuck?”

“You are damn wrong if you thought I know what he is doing here,” Seongwoo hissed back at him. “We are going to talk, but you are going to deal with that imbecile first,” Minhyun grunted before he opened the door again and stormed out from his apartment without giving any last glance.

“May I come in?” Daniel’s voice reminded Seongwoo that he was not really alone at that moment. “Will you go away if I say no?” Seongwoo raised his eyebrow as Daniel shook his head and muttered a low _no_ before Seongwoo sighed.

“Come in then.” Seongwoo opened the door a little bit wider for Daniel to enter. “Thanks.”

“Nice place,” Daniel said while looking around Seongwoo’s apartment before he turned around and faced the latter. “I know you probably wondering why am I here and how did I get you address and stuffs.” Daniel sighed when he noticed Seongwoo looked exasperated. “Not really actually but you could tell me if you want to,” Seongwoo taunted him as he crossed his arms in front of his chest.

 

“Why are you so upset?” Seongwoo knew Daniel knew why, he just wanted to hear it from Seongwoo.

“Because, Daniel, you don’t just come back after five years missing without any contact, and _kiss_ me,” Seongwoo scoffed at him. “But I thought you like me,” Daniel replied in the same frustration. “You thought I like you?” Seongwoo couldn’t even believe at the conversation they two were having, but if Seongwoo is going to talk about it anyway, might as well gave him the complete story.

 

“Goodness, Daniel, like you? I _loved_ you, I don’t know whether you noticed this or not but you were once _my_ whole life.” Seongwoo’s statement shut him up.

 

“But that was five years ago, Daniel, but I do miss you at some points.” Seongwoo sighed. “You were once my sun, you know, and I willingly crashed into you everyday even though I knew I will ended up burnt, and I used to thought it was worth it, until I realized that I am not sorry that we did not burn together.” It was a genuine disclosure but Seongwoo was neither happy nor sad after he said that.

“Is that why you left me after I kissed you yesterday?” Daniel muttered. “You’ve done it once, Daniel, I’m pretty sure our answer would be the same,” Seongwoo replied, it almost came out like a whisper. “Surprisingly after hearing what you have to say about your feelings to me, we didn’t have the same reason.” He smiled bitterly. 

 

“And you didn’t mean that, about you are over the idea of us being together.”

 

“Why do you think you can speak on behalf of what I feel?” Seongwoo said in disdain. “I don’t but I know exactly how it feels like to be in your shoes,” Daniel confessed silently.

“I’ve told you that I have a lot of thing to apologize for, and you figured out much already that one of it was not kissing you that night, I mean it, I didn’t do it because it was fun or because I know you liked me and I wanted to break you, because I _wanted_ to kiss you.” Seongwoo almost lost his mind when Daniel stated that, and Seongwoo thought he was ready to hear Daniel’s reason – Seongwoo really doesn’t.

“I’m also sorry that those times we spent together, I didn’t have enough courage to tell you that I like it when you blushed, I noticed how you looked at me, I noticed how you smiled more when you were with me or how your face beamed when I did a small wave to you across the hall, and I went crazy because all the things you do, do you really think I didn’t know that?”

Seongwoo was frozen at his spot, he knows he tried so hard not to make it so obvious in front of Daniel back then or even right then, but Daniel being there and remembering all the little things caught Seongwoo off guard. “Most importantly, I’m sorry that I didn’t let you know my feelings, that I like you, for fuck’s sake, at some point I thought I also love you but I’m sorry I feel like it wasn’t enough to repay what you have for me.”

Daniel was then stepped closer to Seongwoo as Seongwoo still at the exact same spot, clueless about what he has to do at that moment. _Daniel said he loved him_. “And the timing was just have to be right when I have to moved out, I thought, perfect, maybe we can both move on, maybe I can get rid of the tingling feelings or the perfect kind of warmth that only you emitted.” Seongwoo held his breath when Daniel was just a breath away from him as Daniel touched his cheek.

“The reason why I got back here, after a _suffocating_ five years, was because I figured out some things about feelings.” Daniel breathed in.

 

“That the old feelings that once craved beautifully is a part of an art.”

 

Seongwoo swore he never thought he would see Kang Daniel so broken more than that – because if there is a person inside the room that suppose to be breaking apart, it was _him_.

 

“Thus there is no art was completely forgotten or vanished.”

 

Daniel paused to look at Seongwoo in the eyes when Seongwoo realized that part of what he was saying was true, even when Seongwoo thought the feelings died, but will he ever really going to forget about Kang Daniel?

 

“They were only abandoned,”.

 

\---

 

Seongwoo made Daniel a coffee while both of them were sitting on his couch after his unexpected confession, which is still overwhelming for Seongwoo and he still couldn’t sense a grip of reality. Kang Daniel, after all those years, still feels like a fantasy – still feels the faint borderline between a dream and a verity. And for probably the first time in Seongwoo’s life, he feels like it is not okay for Daniel to do what he did – to say that he once also, _loved_ Seongwoo. 

“I want to ask you something,” Seongwoo finally spoken up after a long, thick silence and he was pretty sure that Daniel probably has expected the question. “Why didn’t you just tell me? You knew I like you, a lot, more than a lot, actually.” Seongwoo smiled bitterly. 

“Fear,” Daniel answered shortly. “I think one day I just woke up and instantly think of you made me afraid.” Daniel then noticed how Seongwoo’s face hardened at his statement. “Not particularly in a bad way.”

“Because I guess I _know_ how you like me a lot, and I’m afraid that –.” He was distracted by the sound from Seongwoo’s phone, and he was kind of thankful that Daniel didn’t get to finish his sentence. “It’s from work,” Seongwoo said as he looked at the screen. “They probably have some problem with the cover issue, I guess I have to go there, you don’t have to though,” Seongwoo muttered and he thought that devastated Kang Daniel couldn’t make his chest fallen even more – but it did.

“Do you have some times tonight?” Daniel suddenly interrupted when Seongwoo abruptly stood up. “Maybe,” Seongwoo replied half-heartedly. “I’ll text you, is that okay?” Seongwoo almost forget that Daniel have his number right then. 

“Yeah, sure.” Seongwoo nodded, but it was a reflex from his body, because his brain was chanting an endless _don’t_.

 

\---

 

“Hey,” Seongwoo greeted the man on the other side of the phone.

“ _Hey.”_ Seongwoo hated it, because Minhyun sounded mad when Seongwoo needed him to be the rational one, but he knows it was his fault. “Open the door for me,” Seongwoo demanded which Minhyun replied with a low grunt before he heard the door in front of him being opened and revealed the frowning male.

“Sorry I chase you out earlier, can I come in?” Seongwoo said as he was trying hisr best to look like a strained cat, which worked miraculously. “I made myself out actually, so okay.” Minhyun opened the door a little bit wider so Seongwoo could come in. “I assumed you are here to talk?” Minhyun shut the door.

“He kissed me, Minhyun.” The words froze Minhyun, but he didn’t seem that surprised.

“That son of a bitch,” Minhyun replied in a low hiss nonetheless, but still looking like he actually expected it to happened sooner or later. “He came back for two days and he kissed me, Minhyun, how is that suppose to be okay for him?” Seongwoo burst out.

“Is that okay for you though?” Minhyun asked and shrugged instead, and Seongwoo thought Minhyun would be helpful, but he was just making Seongwoo even more confuse by the calmness on his voice.

“No.” Seongwoo shook your head, but that was also just an impulsive move.

“Yes, it is.” Minhyun smiled at him – almost came out like a sneer.

“You are not helping, Minhyun, call him something bad, imbecile, asshole, I don’t know, why are you suddenly on his side?” Seongwoo retorted. “Because you are lying to yourself, like really? Who the hell agrees to go on a lunch or some alone time with the dude that fucked up your heart years ago? He was bound to do something like that, buddy, what else do you think he was _here_ for?” Minhyun snapped back, angrily.

“What?” Seongwoo raised his eyebrow questioningly.

“Look, I knew it since you said that he was taking you out for a lunch, he probably loved you for a long time ago, but he just didn’t say it and then he ran away, hoping that he can forget about you, which clearly failed,” Minhyun retaliated and made Seongwoo fell into silence. 

“Are you really a psychic?” Seongwoo answered nonchalantly. 

“It doesn’t really take magic to figure something like that, you know.” Minhyun shrugged.

“What now? He kissed you and said he loves you and wants you back, aren’t those the things you ever asked for?” Minhyun said under his breath. “Five years ago, yeah,” Seongwoo replied instead. “Uh, he actually asked me to come and meet him tonight, an hour ago to be exact,” Seongwoo then, confessed.

“So why are you here?” Minhyun crossed his arm on his chest.

“So you can tell it would be stupid for me to go.”

“I don’t get to decide that, you know.” Minhyun said as he patted Seongwoo’s arms. “You need to figure that out by yourself,” Minhyun added. “Because I don’t really know whether you meant your words or not, about it would be stupid if you go.”

Seongwoo was cut dead by Minhyun’s answer, partly because Minhyun always seems to have an astonishing point. “Whatever it is, I have your back, and a fist ready if he decided to back out again.” Minhyun chuckled – and heck, Seongwoo thought that meeting Minhyun will make him even more sure about not meeting Daniel, but all Minhyun did was literally supporting him, which he didn’t know yet whether he should be thankful or not.

“He will still be there, you know, believe me, Kang Daniel didn’t come back from the States, just to back out after being stood up for one hour.” Minhyun smiled again, Seongwoo was actually afraid that he in fact seems to have Daniel’s back all of the sudden.

“Did Daniel perhaps ask for your help and you actually said _yes_?” Seongwoo asked suspiciously.

“You know I would rather burn my apartment than to help him for the matter of fact, but I do want to help you.” 

“You said you successfully moved on, and I’m proud of that, but Kang Daniel will forever be your ghost until you finish all of your shits with him,” Minhyun stated. “It’s time to say what you have to say to him,” He continued.

Minhyun sounded pretty convincing right then, and it made Seongwoo almost ran from his apartment just to meet Daniel, but everything suddenly feels in blur when Seongwoo actually thought about it, about things that he has to say to Kang Daniel. Seongwoo wanted to say he moved on from Kang Daniel, or thanking Daniel for breaking him, or telling him that Seongwoo is grateful that Daniel was once a period of his insanity.

In the middle of all of that, he didn’t want to tell Daniel a lie, and like how he deserve the whole naked truth about his feelings, Daniel deserves one too, so when Minhyun forced Seongwoo out from his flat and somehow still encouraging him to meet Kang Daniel, which he still feels skeptical about it even though Seongwoo understand his intention – that whatever the result is, at least Seongwoo won’t live wondering about life with Kang Daniel anymore.

And Seongwoo wished he had a little more faith in himself when he stopped in front of the location that Daniel texted right after Seongwoo made him left his apartment.

 

But he didn’t.

 

\---

 

Seongwoo heard that Kang Daniel didn’t show up to work from Jaehwan – which made Jaehwan completely giggly remembering that Seongwooalso decided to take a day off and Jaehwan assumed that they were both were somewhere together. Minhyun also called – before he texted a numerous _are you back in the game with the imbecile or is it a game over_ , as Seongwoo decided to ignore his call, he didn’t really want to talk to Minhyun right then.

Kang Daniel didn’t left anything though, the last thing he texted Seongwoo was that he was wearing a black shirt, in case Seongwoo missed his sight at the crowd last night – Seongwoo didn’t see him because he never left your car and head back home instead. It was a jerk move to left Daniel waiting, but Seongwoo thought it was better than meeting him only to tell things Seongwoo didn’t mean whole-heartedly.

It was devastating, to see how they both were falling apart even without being a thing from the first place, to witness how they both burnt out without being ignited. It is despairing that Seongwoo, at time like then, still wondered how things will turn out if the both of you weren’t too stubborn or afraid. The thing was since Daniel came back three days ago, Seongwoo began to doubt more about him, whether Seongwoo is still so into him, that he was never in a lucid phase all along, that he is still inside the insanity that Daniel caused so beautifully, or that Seongwoo had really moved on. 

And Seongwoo started to question whether the options really mattered or not, since Kang Daniel is always the storm, and even if Seongwoo had moved on from it, he would still be destroyed whenever Daniel came around – and Seongwoo should’ve seen that coming, Seongwoo should’ve known that one fact before he decided to push Daniel aside. 

Seongwoo actually found it quite funny that if this happened five years ago, he would trade anything to be in his position right then, to be something for Kang Daniel. A lot of things could happen in five years, and only given two days to cover the whole story – about how Daniel suddenly woke up and thought it was a good idea to come back to Seongwoo – two days seems to become unfair for Seongwoo and for Daniel, but every thing comes down to a question – does Seongwoo still love Kang Daniel like he used to or not. 

And if only Seongwoo could give an answer to that, he would already make up his mind last night, he won’t be sitting around at his home, asking himself whether it is a right thing to do or not. 

Seongwoo missed Daniel, a lot, Seongwoo admitted that, and goodness, he didn’t even want to lie the fact that he still adore every part of Daniel – his smile, the way his eyes lit up when he talks about something, how his laugh sounds, his outgoing personality, his perfectly built body – which seems to be even better after years.

Seongwoo was questioning his sanity when he actually stood in front of Daniel’s apartment building – his brain was screaming _what the fuck_ to himself yet he couldn’t be more careless – because _maybe_ , Minhyun was right, that it would never be finished until Seongwoo said what he has to say. Seongwoo dialed a number on his phone, and Daniel surprisingly picked up at one ring.

 

“Can we meet?”

 

\---

 

“Why is it only abandoned?”

Seongwoo asked first thing first when they both were inside his car in the middle of evening without even moving. “What? The art?” Daniel answered too casually as he grinned – like Seongwoo didn’t just abandon him the night before. “Yeah, why couldn’t it be dead or something? How can old feelings be part of an art?” Seongwoo didn’t miss the way he chuckled after Seongwoo asked so many questions.

“That’s a lot of things to be answered.” Daniel smiled instead; Seongwoo began to wonder what he was really thinking.

 “Sometimes we forget things not because our own will, sometimes things vanished against our wish, but things were never abandoned if we didn’t want them to.” It was weird, his smile never left and Seongwoo didn’t like it because a bit of the butterflies suddenly coming back – just like the first time, like Seongwoo falls in love with a smile all over again.

 

“We abandoned some things, or in this case, feelings, purposely because we thought we would eventually forget about them, but that is not how it works.”

 

“That’s your philosophy of feelings?” Seongwoo raised his eyebrow nonchalantly.

“Do you still like me?” Daniel suddenly asked – it was a gentle voice, it’s not demanding, but Seongwoo suddenly felt like the whole world was on his back. “I moved on.” Seongwoo sighed. “It’s a pretty terrible experience you gave me,” Seongwoo added and Daniel smiled bitterly.

“But nonetheless, Daniel, even though I moved on and feels like I’m okay with another person, some of the days I still hoped you did kiss me that night.”

It was a perfect answer, Seongwoo should’ve just stopped there but his sense decided to betray him. “Do you like me?” Seongwoo asked, heck, he wasn’t even sure whether he is ready or not. “Goodness, like you? I love you.” Seongwoo didn’t miss the point where Daniel tried to imitate his voice like the day before.

“Since the first time, actually.” Daniel went back to his normal voice and his signature boyish smile.

“How can you ignore someone who looked at you with so much adoration, hm?” Daniel said, his gaze fixed on Seongwoo.

“But you dated –,”. “Yeah, and I told you I thought I somehow love him, and it such a strong word and such a strong word should just be used to someone that deserve it,” Daniel cut in.

“I kind of expected that you wouldn’t show up last night, it is okay, I would do that too if I were you, I couldn’t just be back after five years and told you that I want you back after I left you with such horrible moment,” Daniel spoke up. 

 

“I picked up those abandoned feelings along the way until I decided to move back here.”

 

“I figured that you probably have moved on, goodness, I slapped myself on the face after you left my car that night, but I thought if I could pick up those feelings, then maybe I could make you do that too, perhaps?” Daniel gently touched Seongwoo’s cheek for a second before he brushed Seongwoo’s hair slowly.

“Sorry, I can’t help it, have I ever tell you that you are more like beautiful than handsome? Because an art is never handsome, it’s just beautiful.”

 

 _No, you are the one who is beautiful, Daniel_.

 

“It’s okay.” It is always okay – it is always Kang Daniel who becomes the exception.

“Can I do that more often then?” Daniel beamed, Seongwoo couldn’t help but nod at such sight – Seongwoo began to ask himself, does he ever not adore Kang Daniel?

“Daniel,” Seongwoo called him in a low voice, more like a whisper. “In case you are right,” Seongwoo continued. “Even though I still adored you this much already, there are still that much that I left behind,” Seongwoo confessed. “In case, just like you said that it can be picked up, because it was only abandoned.”

“What are you going to do about it?” Seongwoo asked at the end.

“It’s pretty obvious, isn’t it?” Daniel smiled.

“I’ll trace back the time, so I can collect the abandoned feelings, and someday I’m going to put everything together and create an art, that is you.” Daniel stopped for a second.

 

“And we will stop walking at the parallel line where we were both too afraid or too stubborn, so at the end of the day we will crossed again, with love, this time.”

 

\-----

 

There are a lot of things Seongwoo has been missing since the first time he met Kang Daniel.

Kang Daniel was once fell in love with a boy who smiled at the sight of him and thought that he wouldn’t notice how the boy stared at him for the longest time. It was driving him crazy, Seongwoo just didn’t know that. Seongwoo thought he was the only one who is going insane, when Kang Daniel also drowning at the same ship.

But he was more impulsive and careless than Seongwoo, that’s why he mistake the feelings for the design-major boy as love – and also, have more fear than Seongwoo was, but the differences was that his fear was not rejection, he feared for not being good enough, he fear that he might not have a heart as big as Seongwoo’s to love the latter back.

It was silly, of course.

But it’s the truth, and up until these days, Kang Daniel would laugh mockingly at his old-self where he was being such a chicken for not having enough gut to show his feelings. It took him everything to talk to Seongwoo for the first time at the library, he asked for his name even though he has learnt Seongwoo’s name since a long time ago – it just that Seongwoo didn’t know that fact.

And seeing Seongwoo’s smile being his personal remedy, or how Seongwoo would blushed every time Daniel called his name and waved at Seongwoo and he swore it took all his strength not to run and hug Seongwoo right away.

He made a terrible mistake one night, he knew he was leaving soon, yet he still wanted Seongwoo to be close to him, it was a selfish of him and even on some nights, he would still stay awake and regret things that he had done. 

The other things that you didn’t know was the fact that Kang Daniel was never just a stranger to Hwang Minhyun, they were not exactly friends either, but close enough for Hwang Minhyun to almost beat him up after he asked for Seongwoo’s number for the first time – when they both started hanging out. Daniel thought Minhyun loved Seongwoo – which he did, but not like the way Daniel does.

Minhyun made it clear that Seongwoo loved him more than he should, and Daniel knows the fact already even before Minhyun told him that. It just showed from the way Seongwoo was around him, but he just never told Minhyun that he feels exactly the same.

Two days before he met Seongwoo again at the office, he met Hwang Minhyun first at one entertainment studio, as it turned out he worked there as one of the engineers for one of their project and he almost lost his shit because he thought Minhyun would beat the shit out of him – which Minhyun didn’t. 

“You are back,” Minhyun greeted at first. “For Seongwoo, actually.” Daniel didn’t know why he said that to the latter – Minhyun raised his eyebrow skeptically and he thought that maybe that was the time when the other male would actually punch him. 

“Such bullshit,” Minhyun just hissed.

But unexpectedly for some reasons, Minhyun actually knew it wasn’t a bullshit, he just didn’t expect it to come from the _imbecile_ Kang Daniel.

 

“He has moved on,” Minhyun said when they met again on their way out from the building. “That’s what he said, _a lot_ , but you are still in his shadow even though he didn’t want to admit it.”

Daniel wanted to ask why would Minhyun tell him that, but shut his mouth almost immediately when the latter shot him a death glare. “If you ever turned your head away again, I’ll make sure that the next thing you know it won’t be attached to your body anymore.”

“Why did you help me then?” Daniel raised his eyebrow. “I’m not helping you, dumbass, I’m helping Seongwoo, he moved on, yes, but he was still searching for the same insanity like the one you made, and do you think it’s possible? If you are going to come back to her life, make it right, and fast, I don’t know, think of it yourself, why am I even telling you this, ugh.”

 

\---

 

Kang Daniel revealed everything – including the Hwang Minhyun being a shit – to Seongwoo at their first official date after the eventful evening on Seongwoo’s car. “Is that why that little shithead being inconsistent all the time? One day he acts like he is ready to rip your head off and the next day he acts like you are my soul mate, what kind of best friend he is?” Seongwoo ranted in the middle of McDonald’s, as Daniel only laughed at his reaction. 

“A good one, actually,” Daniel said in between his chuckle. “Although I envy him most of the times.” Daniel smirked cheekily.

“He gets to see you smile since more than a decade ago, what kind of blessing is that?” Seongwoo wanted to bury himself ten feet under the ground right away, because he was pretty sure that Kang Daniel is lethal and he can’t help but blushed at his remarks.

“Don’t hide yourself, how many times do I have to tell you that I like your redden cheek, it’s the most adorable.” He grinned and Seongwoo feels like he need to breath in a fresh air. 

“Are you sure you moved on already?” Daniel chuckled again – it sounds heavenly, it always does though, its like hearing Seongwoo’s favorite song over and over again.

“Daniel, for the matter of fact, I blushed at all the compliments I got, ask Jaehwan,” Seongwoo defended himself. “I know, that’s why I got to compliment you all the time, right?” He winked at Seongwoo purposely with his thousand-watt smile – Seongwoo started to regret everything.

“I like this picking up process, I have a feeling I will have so much fun doing it,” Daniel smirked shamelessly at Seongwoo.

“You know what? I feel like I’m always the one suffering whether I’m the one who loves you or you the one who loves me, does that make any sense?” Seongwoo sighed. “I’m also suffering, you just didn’t know that, because I hide it better than you ever will,” Daniel smiled as he patted Seongwoo’s head gently.

“Like the way your eyes lit up when you saw me across the hall, it’s really cute you know, I don’t even know I’m that strong to held myself for not straight up kissing you,” Daniel grinned. “You would never know that I love you back then, you know, I hide it so well, I got you wounded,” He continued.

“But to be honest, ever since we talked for the very first time – no, ever since we looked into each other eyes for the first time, I have been trying to recreate what we have before, to search for the same light you have in your eyes, until I realized that I maybe wherever I try to run and hide, I may not be able to smile as genuine as I did with you.” 

“Are you, somehow, taking a class of smooth talking?” Seongwoo’s response made him burst into laugh again, even though Seongwoo was trying not to melt down himself, it’s just day one Kang Daniel trying to win his heart back and Daniel was doing pretty good and it got Seongwoo scared and relieved at the same time.

But in some ways, Seongwoo’s prayer was becoming true, the one where he wish that his next period of insanity would be as beautiful as Kang Daniel, and what could be more breath-taking than the man himself?

“Stop looking at me like that, Daniel.” Seongwoo caught Daniel staring at him again, and it reminded Seongwoo of the feelings he used to feel where he looked at Daniel as if the entire galaxy was in his eyes. “Does it sound ridiculous if I said that I want to look at you as much as possible to make up for those five years? Sometimes I forgot we grew apart, you knew, and you are so much mature now, it was kind of shocking for me when I first met you.” He chuckled.

“I mean, yeah, you always been handsome, but then I realized you starting to looked seriously more stunning,” Daniel said as he pinched Seongwoo’s nose lightly.

 

“Daniel, on more serious note though, you are going to run out of cheesy lines if you keep going on.”

**Author's Note:**

> hit me up on twitter [@nyelness](https://twitter.com/nyelness)
> 
> see you guys soon, really, really, soon :)
> 
> cheerio!


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